I feel like I’m under control of everything but I’m slowly falling under the surface. Though I don’t feel content or satisfied with anything I do or say. What’s this sinking of an anchor feeling? I wish I still had some of you still beside me, to look out for me, to tell me my rights from my wrongs even though I’d disobey and learn it the hard way but ultimately, I need someone who cares, able to gain my trust and relieve my sorrows.

I hate being left out. For fuck sakes, its the worse feeling ever. Im never close enough to any ONE friend for them to even share their problems/stories/anything with me. Fuck me dead!

What the fuck? My close Serbian mate didn’t invite me to his 18th but everyone else from school… wow that’s low. You’re nothing to me now

Sucks having no one, even the minor friends you thought would be considerate… They still pick others over you, it sucks to the fucking days. Sitting here watching them reply to other people when you clearly texted them or talked to them and they don’t reply and seeing the very next minute they’re out with other people. 

Okay then. I’ll just stick to what i usually do and not get my hopes up ever again. My life’s lonely as fuck and I’ll have to deal with it.

I see where you want to head and who with so i’ll just back off now. Its not like you ever realise im around 

The loneliness still stands. There may be happy moments and good bumps but everything comes back to who I truly am. A lonely reject. A dysfunctional pathetic being.

Too much negative energy in my head and all around me. People are giving me the shits and those who are close are just making things worse. Just having a bad day and seeing things i don’t want too isn’t really helping and being a jealous person i am, obviously it will shut me up. 
Just the simple fact that im irritated by someone can lead to a series of other people pissing the fuck out of me. Which i am currently experiencing. Please just fuck off, none of you are genuine friends and i know it. Stop acting like you care and simply leave.
As much as it hurts to see people i thought i would have a chance with, leave, its better than a fake happiness. Best to let them go and wish for the day a real and completely trustworthy friend/girl to come along.

Idk what im trying to express as my feelings are completely in a mess and my mind is just a tangled ball of wool, but ultimately im just depressed.